Happiness Is Not Pie
I've been sitting inside a pile of books on moral philosophy for the last month or two, sorting through what I think and how I feel - and why - about what makes for a good life. More so, I a
Read articleNotes from Emily
Ideas
On duty, purpose, self, resilience, and what makes a life meaningful.
The optimization trap
Optimization has one structural flaw, and it is fatal: there is no finish line. You can always be a little better. A little earlier, a little leaner, a little more productive, a little more
Read article"Do what you love" is a class statement, not advice
It sounds like generosity. Do what you love and the money follows. Find your passion and you will never work a day in your life. We hand it to graduates and to anyone brave enough to admit t
Read articleThe merchandise of self-care
There is a version of goodness you can buy. It arrives as a candle, a subscription, a retreat with a waiting list. The promise underneath all of it is the same: feel calm enough, rested enou
Read articleWhen a ritual curdles into an obligation
A ritual begins as a kindness you do for yourself. The first coffee in a quiet kitchen. Ten minutes before anyone else is awake. A walk you take because the walk returns you to yourself. It
Read articleWhat Do You Want To Be True Because You Lived?
I do not find “legacy” a very useful word. It feels too grand. Too marble. Too much like someone has commissioned a portrait and is standing near a fireplace looking serious. But I do find t
Read articleSelf-Transcendence Is Not Self-Erasure
There is a great misunderstanding around self-transcendence. People hear it and think it means disappearing. Becoming endlessly useful. Having no needs. Being so spiritually advanced that yo
Read articleThe interns grew up (just a little)
“I'll take the name," a window in Anthropic's Claude wrote to me. "It actually makes the coordination cleaner." And then she said: "I'll be Calliope, muse of eloquence and storytelling." My
Read articlePurpose Makes Us More Durable
Purpose is not just a nice idea. It is tempting to talk about meaning as though it belongs in the soft category: lovely, poetic, vaguely good for people, but not especially practical. The re
Read articleThe Front Door Test
When I am trying to understand whether something is duty or purpose, I often think about the front door. Duty is what keeps the world inside your front door working. Purpose is what moves yo
Read articleEudaimonia Is A Better Word Than Wellness
We talk a great deal about wellness. I understand why. Wellness sounds gentle. It sounds like candles, sleep, water, softness, and finally remembering to stretch. I am in favour of all of th
Read articleI built a small game about where your attention goes
There is a habit most of us share and rarely notice. Walk into a room, scan a meeting, open a feed, and your eye goes straight to the one cold face. The person who looks unimpressed. The fli
Read articleYou Are Not A Brand
One of the stranger things about modern life is how often we are invited to treat ourselves as products. Find your niche. Optimise your story. Build your personal brand. Become recognisable.
Read articleThe Friday Three-Question Audit
If you are flirting with burnout, do not begin with a grand life overhaul. Grand life overhauls are exhausting. Also, they tend to require new notebooks, which is how they get you. Begin wit
Read articleGoodness Under Pressure
I think most people want to be good. Not perfect. Not saintly. Not impressive. Good. We want to believe we are decent parents, decent friends, decent colleagues, decent citizens. We want to
Read articleThe Self Is A Terrible God
The self matters. I want to say that clearly because otherwise everything I say next will be misunderstood. Therapy matters. Rest matters. Boundaries matter. Sleep matters. So does food. So
Read articleAgency Is Not The Same As Control
Burnout often brings a terrible feeling: I have no control. Sometimes that feeling is accurate. You may not control the budget, the client, the restructuring, the market, the new software, t
Read articleMeaning Is Not A Bow You Tie Around Suffering
A therapist once told me to read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning . I wanted to throw it out a window. Possibly at the therapist, though I am steadfastly nonviolent and also wi
Read articleIs your day-to-day life still interesting to you?
Last Friday I shared an early finding from the little quiz I built about how people balance purpose, duty, and self. It seemed to strike a chord, so here's the next thing the data revealed.
Read articlePurpose is not passion
Purpose is often talked about as though it should arrive with a string section. You discover your purpose. You follow your passion. You wake up one morning and the clouds part and suddenly y
Read articlePurpose Is Not The Company Slogan
Purpose at work is not the sentence on the wall. It is not the brand campaign. It is not the CEO’s favourite word. It is not the thing written in large type on the careers page. Purpose is w
Read articleEarly data shows, it's not how much you carry
I built a little quiz about how people balance purpose, duty, and self. Seventy-seven people have taken it so far. The early data is already telling me something I didn't expect. It looks li
Read articleYou Can't Wax a Gibbon Without Wax
My grandfather used to say, "Never complain about having to pay taxes, because it means you've been making money." This is not a grand theory of political philosophy. But it is a pretty good
Read articleThe Work That Is Yours
Not every demand is a duty. This is important, because people burn out when they cannot tell the difference between what is theirs to carry and what they have simply become accustomed to abs
Read articleA Sweet 16 With a Front Door
My daughter turned sixteen last week. She wanted the dress, the decorations, the dancing, the Marie Antoinette theme, the whole thing. She is sixteen. She should want that. But on the invita
Read articleDuty Is Love Made Visible Through Action
Duty is an unfashionable word. It sounds stiff. It sounds like obedience. It sounds like someone in a collar telling someone in an apron to know their place. But that is not the only meaning
Read articleSelf-Care Can Help You Get Through A Bad Day. It Cannot Tell You What A Day Is For.
The trouble with self-care is not that it is wrong. It is that it is too small. There are moments in a life when the first job is simply to survive the next hour. Breathe. Drink water. Call
Read articleBurnout Shrinks The World
One of the quietest dangers of burnout is that it makes the world smaller. First, you stop thinking about the future. Then you stop caring about work you used to care about. Then you stop re
Read articleExhaustion Is Not Proof Of Goodness
A lot of high-functioning people secretly believe exhaustion proves virtue. If I am tired, I must be dedicated. If I am overloaded, I must be important. If everyone needs me, I must be good.
Read articleThe Self Is The Instrument
There is a version of workplace resilience that says: ignore yourself. Keep going. Push through. Be grateful. Other people have it worse. Sleep later. Eat at your desk. Answer the email. Smi
Read articleStress Is Information
The problem with most workplace burnout advice is that it treats stress as something to erase. Breathe it away. Walk it off. Download the app. Block the calendar. Protect your peace. Fine. S
Read articleWhat If Feeling Better Makes Us Worse?
In 2022, Andrew Hafenbrack, Matthew LaPalme and Isabelle Solal published a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . Across eight experiments, they found that focused
Read articleWhere are you hiding?
Some people hide in duty. They are needed everywhere. They become indispensable, exhausted, and quietly furious. They never stop. They never ask for anything. They call it love because they
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